Motherhood & Stress Management

My crazy kiddos!

​Stress can impact your health as negatively as a sledgehammer. Chronic stress can be a factor in disease, which may start as muscle tension, headaches, frequent illness, sleep disturbances, high blood pressure, anxiety, depression, stomach issues, etc.  Managing stress is vital to feeling healthy and whole. The body is continually trying to achieve homeostasis, so employing various stress relief & coping techniques daily will help keep stress from ruining your health. 

Anyone who knows me well knows that I have a hardy stress-resistant personality.  My husband describes me as “strong”. I was lucky to be born with these traits; I have confidence in myself and my abilities, good control over my thoughts, and a positive attitude.  I deal with stress by running my life in an organized fashion, tackling problems head on instead of avoiding them, having self-accountability, engaging in physical exercise, practicing my faith, and having a sense of humor. 

My largest source of stress is how I relate to my two children, who are now young adults and home for the summer.  My daughter is 22 and just graduated from Vanderbilt University.  My son is 19 and a rising sophomore at Johns Hopkins University.  My kids are both wonderful people who have never been in real trouble and have admirable morals.  I loved watching them mature, giving them more freedom, and although I expected excellence from them, I have never been an overbearing helicopter parent.  In general, most children are messy, stinky, alter parents’ schedules and routines, and are not perfect. My kids have sassy personalities (like me), and they possess their own unique opinions, interests, goals, expectations, and values that differ from my own.  They are not at fault for my inner stress; it stems from my feelings of frustration and lack of patience, understanding, and flexibility.  The parenting stress I feel often comes to a quick boiling point where I get angry.  I feel my heart race and pound, my muscles tense up, my voice gets loud, and I feel increasingly detached to them emotionally.  While I wholly believe in experiencing one’s emotions instead of suppressing them (and sometimes anger is appropriate), I do not want my negative emotions to ever cause a barrier in our relationship.

To move from theory to practice of stress management techniques, I have begun to reframe my mindset.  Instead of first thinking of children as a source frustration, instead I remember that my children are God’s gift to our family, to be always treasured and nurtured.  Parenthood has been the best learning and growth experience I have had in my life. I have learned patience, humbleness, unconditional love, kindness, and to have a sense of humor.  I value the wonderful, close relationships I have with my children, whom I love very much.  I wish to manage my stress and temper my short fuse in order to always keep them close in my heart and I in theirs.  This may be the last summer we are all living together as a family of four and I want to cherish every moment.   

The stress management techniques I have started to use when my anger starts to surface are prayer and diaphragmatic breathing, which I do concurrently.  My physical responses to the anger are an instant reminder to me to first start taking deep breaths.  With every exhalation, I feel a release of tension and my muscles soften.  I also start saying the Hail Mary prayer.  As a Catholic, I adore Mary as the mother of our Lord.  I pray to her as one mother to another for guidance, understanding, and mostly a sense of peace in my heart.  By the time the prayer has been recited, my breathing gets slower and deeper in my belly, I feel calmer, and able to see the big picture of the issue at hand.  It is easier to subsequently deal with the problem with a cool, clear head.  I have enjoyed parenting more and more as my children have gotten older, and thankfully they are mature and we can use reason and intelligence when we have differences.